When Harry Met Fatty

Dave and Noah abstain from using their brains during this week's rom-com 40 Days and 40 Nights, starring Josh Hartnett, Shannon Sossamon and Maggie Gyllenhaal.  This is the 2nd installment of our annual summer series Fatty Goes Local!! This week we put on our "heartlights" for St. Paul, Minnesota's hunk-a-saurus honkey Josh Hartnett.

Ever since he's learned that his recent ex-Noxzema model of a girlfriend is engaged to be married to an even bigger douche, our boy Hartnett finds it hard to enjoy all the biore strip models he's taking to hump mountin'. He gives up all sex (including masturbation) for 40 days.  But like the Klingons say, abstinence is a dish best served while wearing a Hartnett!

Dave has an aneurysm over Hartnett's choice in star-humpery.  Noah dishes some super outdated gossip on the man whose harbored many a pearl with his lucky number sleven.

Fatty goes local!  Dave and Noah take a staycation and visit New Ulm, MN for this week's movie New in Town starring Renee Zellweger, Harry Connick Jr., and every extra that was passed over for the Cohen Brothers' Fargo.

Zellweger is a Miami hotshot clawing her way up the corporate ladder. She is assigned to downsize a plant in New Ulm, MN. This is a town full of secrets, most of which involve Blanche Gunderson's mysteriously tasty batch of tapioca pudding. It's like Fried Green Tomatoes, but without the Southern heat, Klu Klux Klan and charmingly implied cannibalism.

The town fireman kindles a fire in Zellweger's squinty, squinty eyes, but he's a country boy and she's a Cosmo-terian. How will they ever see eye to eye?  The secret's in the tapioca!

Dave goes local with his palette cleanser and gets a history lesson on the Dakota War of 1862. In keeping with the way Renee Zellweger prepared for Bridget Jones' Diary, Noah put on 20 lbs for this episode! 

There is no dave, only Noaaaaahhhh!

Noah gets the best crack in town from a moose. He then reads from the scripture of last week's double issue of Entertainment Weekly. 

Dave and Noah break out the calamine lotion for this week's rash from the past, The Seven Year Itch starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell.  Ewell is a middle-aged New York publishing exec with an overactive imagination.  Having just sent his wife and kid away for the Summer, he comes home to find a pinup-girl-turned-Toothpaste-model renting the space above his place.  He's got the only air conditioner in existence and she's gotta lotta heat.  A chance encounter involving a tomato plant brings her downstairs, with a bottle of bubbly and a hankering for a ride on his amazing baby grand piano bench. We all spend the rest of this flick watching Marilyn Monroe get blown.  By air.  Various, random gusts of air.  Because if Tom Ewell won't make a move, nature will.  Nature always finds a way. 

Dave talks about how Marilyn reminds him of his grandma and Noah invents a new term called "The Subway Bidet".  Move over Jared!