63. Just Married (2003)

Wedding Bells, this film smells, Ashton laid an egg!  Ring in the new Millenium for the Thirteenth time by watching JUST MARRIED starring Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, and the French Alps!  Ashton is a radio traffic announcer and Brittany is just a rich girl who’s gone too far, (but you know it don’t matter anyway), by marrying Kutcher and taking him on the Honeymoon from Hell. These two may be young and blessed with perfect skin (Ashton looks like a Gelfling from Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal), but the gods of matrimony have cursed them eternal postnuptial kerfuffles. Ashton accidentally kills Murphy’s prized puppy and lies about it while Brittany accidentally sleeps with her ex-boyfriend.  Luckily, he’s stalking them as they traverse the French Alps into Venice.  But don’t worry, this movie made a lot of money. It made so much money.  

Dave talks about his New Year’s Eve exposure to secondhand fried food and Noah reveals the most efficient way to become fluent in Old English.  Move over Rosetta Stone!